Weight Loss in Quarantine

If you’re like I am, a crisis can snap you into extreme focus – like a slow motion car skid can do; or it can snap you into unhealthy chaos – like, pass me another tub of ice-cream to get through this mess. But…

The hidden treasure of crisis is balled up energy for productive, creative, outward focus.

The results may vary depending on your temperament and the type of crisis. For example, I tend to rise when people need me for emotional support during crisis, and I tend to shrink if they need me to give them the Heimlich.

Personally, I’ve needed to give concentrated focus to my physical health for a long time, and for a long time, I’ve chosen to focus instead on other components of health – emotional, mental, spiritual, relational. In the future, I’d like to add these other elements of well-being as growth opportunities on this website, but for now, during quarantine,

I’m inviting you to join me in harnessing this crisis for healthy eating – nutrition, portion control, and exercise.

In that spirit, I’m adding a Quarantine Weight-loss Group on Facebook as the first wellness component of Vulneratus.com. It’s a simple idea, and it really only needs 3-9 people to get started. Here’s how it comes to you:

Would you like to lose weight with me during quarantine?

You’d need to be willing to:

  • Post your starting weight and long-term goal weight in a private Facebook group.
  • Set a short term weight loss goal that you want to reach by April 31st.
  • Weigh in every day and post that number in the private thread.
  • Share a face-only pic on the group thread every Monday.

Each individual would be responsible for their own approach to eating and exercise, all theories and strategies welcome, no judgement. If you want advice you can source the group, otherwise the group will be for support, not advice.

Once the group forms, it can set a group reward for group success at the month’s end. It can also choose to disband or re-up at the end of the month. And if it gets to 10 members, I’ll close it and open another one.

Update: Group #1 is full. Click the button below to request access to Group #2, which is moderated by my wife, Dani:

7 Tips if You’re Afraid of COVID-19

  • Acknowledge – It’s OK to say you’re afraid of COVID-19. If you pretend you’re not, your fear will fester and boil out sideways through irritability, disconnection, or however you hurt yourself and others when you’re not OK. And if you can’t see your fear for what it is, you won’t be able to accurately see what’s happening in the world either. You’ll swing toward the poles, either denial or fretfulness, both of which affect behavior. If you swing toward denial, you could become careless, putting yourself or others at risk. If you swing toward fretfulness, you could make irrational or counterproductive decisions, or fan the fear in others.
  • Affirm – Once you acknowledge fear you may need to remind yourself that it is OK to feel afraid. And you may need to hear that message more than once, especially if you don’t like to feel weak, or if you’ve ever been shamed for feeling afraid. Whisper to yourself that it’s OK to feel afraid, and if you need an outside voice, tell someone you trust who is not suffering from the same fear in the same moment. This will help disarm the bomb. It’s like tossing a grenade into a room of feather pillows. All that pent up energy can escape your body without damaging people.
  • Apocalypse – Imagine the worst case scenario, turn it over in your head for a minute or two but no more. Then ask yourself, is that scenario likely to happen? If your answer is no, breathe a deep sigh and tell yourself the truth: the worst scenarios in my head are not likely to happen. You may also want to educate yourself with level headed, trustworthy input; like, for example, this video from a doctor in NYC. On the other hand, if your answer is yes, you probably fall in a high risk demographic, and it may be wise to be more cautious than others. Take a moment to thank your fear because in this instance it is measuring reality well and you are wise to heed it. 
  • Analogize – It may help to Google science based predictions of COVID-19 life loss estimates. If you do so, put it into comparative math that you can relate to. For example, is it more likely for you to die of coronavirus than in a freak accident? Or, if your church hosts 1,000 people each week, by the numbers, are any of them likely to die of coronavirus? Once you put it in terms that make sense in your head you will likely find it within a standard deviation of risks you assume in your regular life. Remind yourself of the things you do that include some risk – cycling, skiing, unprotected exposure to the sun, unhealthy eating, driving, smoking. Ask yourself what your secret is: how have you compartmentalized everyday risks so you can enjoy life without fear?
  • Accept – If you get this far, you may find a new reserve of resilience and faith and strength that wasn’t there an hour ago. You may see how fear was crippling you and infecting others. Rejoice that you’re here now, and that you are OK. You’ll probably notice that your eyes want to turn from looking inward to looking outward. Let them.
  • Ask – If you believe in God, it’s a good time to ask for perspective. When you do, don’t fill in the blanks with what you’ve heard other people say that God is or isn’t doing or saying during this pandemic. Just quiet your heart and listen for yourself. It may also help to tell God you’ve been afraid. You’ll be surprised at how sweet a time like this can be. When you’re done, your heart will be fuller than you anticipate, and your fear will be reduced even further. Before you go, ask one more thing of God – ask how you can help during this time, and listen for what idea rises in your spirit.
  • Answer – This is the best part. You get to do something to help others who are feeling swallowed up by fear too. Be courageous, bold, and loving. Be kind. Be wise. Show patience. You can make a difference; people are hurting right now and they need your strength. There’s a Bible story where a young girl named Esther is afraid, but she turns that fear over to God, does the next right thing, and ends up saving her nation from annihilation. May you be like Esther, who let her fear be small, her God be large, and who chose to be an answer in a time of crisis.

Love in the Time of COVID-19

I’ve lived eight weeks with the knowledge of COVID-19, but until the NBA suspended my beloved season two nights ago, I thought of it as a faraway problem. I’m not proud of it, but losing the NBA brought coronavirus dripping to my doorstep. Like, on the door knob. Like, caught in the foamy white corners of every mustache at the grocery store – not that anyone would picture it that way.

And since Social Distancing – a strategy that hasn’t been used against me since 8th grade, has become the most effective way to starve the virus, I feel suddenly separated from my fellow humans. And if I’m honest, I can tell I’m having some feelings about the whole situation because I keep opening and closing the freezer; I keep taking long gazes out the window. And from what I can see on social media, I’m not the only one.

It’s not that I think we’re all gonna die, I just wouldn’t mind hearing from someone who could console, or at least interpret the competing anxieties that might be cropping up inside us right now – whether it’s guilt for not caring about the suffering of others, shame for not self-educating about the exponential spread, fear or denial about what might happen, frustration toward citizens and officials for panic or indifference.

I’ve heard Fear brought up more than once, and so far, that word does not resonate with me. For one thing, if I’m afraid, I’m unaware of it. Maybe it’s Fear that’s making me stare out the window, but I’m obtuse enough where if you tell me I’m afraid I’m going to want to fight you about it.

And what’s really not helping is the advice to stop being afraid. That suggestion is popping all over the Internet and it ranges from: “Relax, everything’s gonna be OK,” to: “Calm the eff down,” to: “Stop choosing your Fear instead of trusting God.” One pastor even implied that I love my Fear, that maybe I want to worship it and would sacrifice my faith to do so.

Maybe someone somewhere needed to hear that? I dunno. But it sure wasn’t me. To me, that felt like shame. And shame is not on my list of emergency supplies to outlive this pandemic.

I’ve been contemplating Fear in the hour since my kids fell asleep, and it’s their faces that best show me Fear because they haven’t masked or renamed it yet. What they do is run or roll into me if it’s the Nighttime Monster again. They whimper, “I’m scared Daddy.” They squeeze their little arms around me and press their noses into my skin. Then they take a deep breath of whatever my body smells like after it’s been chasing them all day, and you can feel the tension uncoiling from them, just from breathing me in.

I think that’s the most proven way to weaken Fear – to name it, to race toward the strongest person in the room, to breathe in their presence until their love for you pushes all Fear away. It’s weird because that’s kinda the opposite of how to kill COVID-19; if you want to kill that virus you’ve gotta be alone.

They say Perfect Love casts out Fear, and as a dad, that kinda makes sense. I bet a lot of us could use that kind of Love right about now – a Love that didn’t shame us for being too anxious or panicky or afraid or frustrated. A Love you can roll toward, can breath in, can carry to quarantine in your pocket. If you’re wishing for a Love like that, I’m pretty sure it’s available, even if you’re alone. The easiest way I’ve found it is just to look out the nearest window, beyond the faraway clouds, and say, “Dad, I’m scared, hold me.”

Merry Christmas: There’s No More Shame On You

On December 17th, 2019, Bethel Church prayed for a toddler to rise from the dead. The next day, December 18th, 2019, President Trump was impeached. Do these two events have anything in common? Not really. 

Except that they happened during the 12 Days of Christmas. And they’ve incited separate but equally polar reactions among American evangelicals. 

This holiday season, if you love Jesus, you can argue with another Christian about how Jesus would define morality in American politics. Or, if you prefer, you can debate faith healing and the sovereignty of God. And since it’s happening exclusively online, it’s kinda hard not to read along:

“Well Fred, it’s clear that you support religious oppression and murdering the unborn.” 

“Watch out Doug, your lie-cheat-steal, bully-oppress-abuse, ‘morals’ are showing.”

“Frankly Susan, if God cared to be THAT sovereign He’d stop you from using someone’s tragedy to promote your toxic theology.”

“Radical faith offends the unbelieving heart, Donna.” 

If I was fast enough to fire off a saucy one-liner I probably would have already. Unfortunately, my brain is drowning in Christmas carols, so all I can do is imagine a slideshow of snarky Christian v Christian comment threads, only they’re set to the loftiest Christmas anthems:

“…The thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn…” 

“…Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation? Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day rule the nations…”

“…Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day, to save us all from Satan’s power when we were gone astray…”

“…Peace on earth, good will to men…”

All that anticipation. All that promise that Jesus’ arrival is the shift humanity has been longing for. The contrast makes me grin. It’s easy to remember the big picture in theory – like how the world has been suffering, how sin has been winning for far too long, how our own minds can be so quickly darkened by fear and pride, how Jesus’ arrival establishes a new Kingdom that isn’t threatened by death or earthly power… 

But when the death of an innocent baby leaves our stomachs curdled with grief and longing, or when the impeachment of an American President stirs our most visceral convictions about right and wrong – it’s almost impossible to remember that the message of the incarnation is that this short-term chaos is not the Kingdom that Jesus has invited us to invest our hopes in. When I forget that, and I often do, it’s easy for me to speak sharply to other Christians because it feels like I’ve got a dog in the fight. After all, I’m aligning myself with God’s perspective and they should be too, right? 

Listen. This is not a shame-on-us piece. It’s the opposite. The miracle of God-made-flesh is that a love so magnificent has obliterated our shame; a Kingdom so irresistible has comes to us again and again and again – as many times as we have forgotten which Kingdom we belong to and why.

Sometimes I wonder if the reason we Christians speak unkindly to each other is because we still carry the remnants of our own shame without meaning to. I still feel it if someone says I should be ashamed of myself for my political or theological convictions; and I’m always inclined to fling that shame back in equal or greater measure. 

But when my spirit is connected to the incarnation – to Jesus’ coming to make all things new – myself included, all that shame residue falls away, I lose the impulse to fire back at my fellow Christians, and I get to live inside of the safety of His eternal Kingdom – even when the world around me is uncertain and out of alignment.

So this Christmas, when I sing about baby Jesus in a manger, I’m going to try to let the love of God come reach me – wiping out my shame for the thousandth time, allowing me to show His kindness to those who have not yet learned how to let go of their own shame.

Merry Christmas. There’s no more shame on you.

Ladies of New York

Dear Ladies of New York,

Hi! My name is Matt. My wife’s name is Dani. We have two sweet boys and live in a cozy 4 bedroom apartment. We shop at Wal-Mart online because they upgrade our strawberry cartons to Family Size if they run out of the smaller ones. We’re that kind of wealthy. Plus, we have 2 empty rooms that could be bedrooms. We were wondering about having another baby or two but if you’re in the third trimester of a healthy pregnancy and you can’t see a path forward, would you consider giving your baby to us instead of having an abortion?

You don’t have to explain your reasons. I’m not judging you and I won’t pretend to understand the complexities of your situation. If giving birth jeopardizes your emotional, mental, or socioeconomic health you have to look for a solution that works. Good for you for doing that!

And this option is a total win-win, right? You can have a future and so can your little one. And you’ve already made it this far – which is amazing, btw! If you could just hang tough for a few more weeks until delivery, it can all be over, but in a way that empowers both you and your child.

Here’s where I’m coming from: I totally understand why abortion might seem necessary during the first or second trimester; even during the third trimester if your life is at risk. I just want to avoid abortions to healthy fetuses if they’re developed enough to feel physical, mental, or emotional pain (which I understand to be sometime before 20 weeks).

So here’s my pitch: would you let me adopt your baby, and every healthy third trimester fetus in New York who’s on the cusp of being aborted? (It’s way fewer than you might think!) Did you know that (according to the CDC) there were roughly 650k abortions in 2014 and only 1.3% happened during the third trimester? That’s like 8,500 in the whole nation, and a lot of those were to save the mom’s life, so there has to be less than 1,000 healthy pregnancies terminated in New York, right?

If I had a bigger apartment I would happily adopt 1,000 babies a year. I can at least take 2, your sweet baby and one more, and I bet I can find 499 friends who would do the same! Let’s do this together! Me and my friends can cover 2019 and maybe in a few years when you’re ready you and your friends can cover 2025? If not, no sweat. One way or another we can figure this out.

I’m so proud of how far you’ve carried your child. Just a few weeks more. You can do this! My family would be honored to help.

Love,

The Drakes

PS – JD (my 3-yr-old) wants a boy and Toby (my 2-year-old) wants a girl so either way, we’re in! ;)

#illtake2whataboutyou #thirdtrimesterabortion #thirdtrimesteradoption #letsdothis #ladiesofnewyork #familiesofnewyork

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